20-22 APRIL 2020… LIFE COMES IN MANY FLAVOURS…
Hello brave woman,
Without having the courage to feel the deepest most heart wrenching pain, you will never be able to feel the highest of joys. When we shut out one we shut out the other. Today 25 years ago, my son Mejda was born on the 20 April 1995. I was in absolute bliss carrying this special soul. In fact I felt him before I was pregnant with him. Praying at Paramahansa Yogananda’s Indian wishing well I had asked for a soul to come into my life that would grow me spiritually to speed up my evolution more than anything ever had.
Being pregnant with him felt like reconnecting with an old divine friend after a long time. I remember my morning meditation on the day I went into labour. As I looked into Paramahana Yogananda’s eyes on the photo, he seemed to smile at me and nod… and the words “everything will be ok” came into my consciousness.
Later that night I went into labour and he was born the following morning around 5 am. He graced us with his presence for two days and passed away on the 22 April 1995. It was one of the most impactful events of my life as it also created a domino effect on every other area of my life. I was rejected and judged by my family of birth, especially my father, who was a ministry in the church I grew up in. He believed Mejda died because I had left the church and followed my own spiritual path that was not aligned with his believes. In many ways it was the beginning of the end of my marriage and it drove my body deeper into a chronic illness.
Looking back, it felt I was living in the underworld. And I was…the underworld of held unreleased emotions and trauma. I was purifying so intensely and painfully as a lot of my childhood trauma had been pushed to the surface. The healing went on for years, one layer at a time. My life became my teaching, taking me through many life-death life cycles… letting go letting go letting go. I kept being asked to let go of all the things I loved so much… I was asked to surrender and trust. During this time, I spend thousands of hours praying and meditating. The pain I experienced on a physical, emotional, and mental level was excruciating. Living with much rejection and judgment from family members felt unbearable… when what I craved was the loving arms of a mother cradling me… telling me it was going to be ok. I felt SO alone and misunderstood… and I had lost this precious life, my baby, who I loved so very much.
I don’t regret what happened, and I share much of my journey in my book ‘Elemental Woman’. My own journey taught me humility. It taught me surrender. It taught me patience. It taught me to love unconditionally, to be able to sit with someone’s joy and pain… just to feel with them, cry with them without judgment. It also opened me up to see people’s soul purpose by understanding their wounding and their life path. Losing Medja seemed to have removed the veil for me that separates the physical world from the spiritual. I love being with the dying. I seem to have one foot in one world and the other in the spiritual world.
My life is the perfect training and curriculum for my own evolution and purpose here on this plane. It has taught me to read other people’s life and soul force and help them discover their own purpose in order to fully bring their gift to the world.
So, going back to see the loving and smiling eyes of my spiritual teacher that morning… and feeling his words ‘everything will be ok’… yes everything is ok. I would not be who I am today had I not birthed and lost my beautiful baby boy and the rippling effect it caused. I would not be able to touch others in the way I do. My book would never have been written. Elemental Woman would not have been birthed. I would not work with women and help them to be who they came here to be… and create their own rippling effect in the world.
And that is just one side. The rippling effect my story and healing have had on my ancestral line and life in the beyond we will never know. So much how we affect and touch the world we will never know. But know this, sweet soul, everything that happens, happens for a good reason. It’s meant to grow you and evolve you so you can shine your beautiful light even brighter.
With deep reverence,
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