Hello Adventurer, freedom-loving Natural Wise Goddess,
TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE…
“We need to clear the air…” said my… let’s call her Evelyn, who had become my joint-ventures partner and good friend. We had closely supported each other over the last two years…
What unfolded was nothing short of an emotional hurricane. For two or more hours, I was repeatedly called a liar and hypocrite. Every time I took breath in the hope to get space to share my own truth about the matter, I was blasted again AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
‘I’M SICK OF PEOPLE NOT TRUSTING MY INTUITION… MY INTUITION NEVER FAILS ME’
I had supported Evelyn at one of her speaking gigs and it turned out she didn’t actually want my support this time. Unfortunately, we both missed to check in on this. I was to take the full blame for this. It just goes to show, never assume. Just because my support was appreciated other times didn’t mean it would be this time. To be honest it was an absolute stretch for me to be there that day, but I wanted to show up for her… and so I did, the best I could.
My friend ended up having a really hard time that day for various reasons for all of which I felt deeply and wished I could have changed for her.
I felt upset for her that she had such a challenging time all apparently on my account.
Once she got everything off her chest, she felt great. ‘I STILL LOVE YOU AND I’M ALL GOOD NOW’. … On the other hand, … FOR ME IT WAS DIFFERENT. SHE HAD CROSSED THE LINE… something had broken inside of me.
WISE WOMAN supports us in understanding our underlying emotions that trigger us. She is an invaluable Archetype in all our personal and professional affairs. She is deeply rooted in her instinctual being… and just knows.
I DESERVED MY TRUTH TO BE HEARD AND ACKNOWLEGED TOO.
And now I deserved an apology. In fact, in my heart I knew that this would be the only way we could move forward from here. I had acknowledged and apologized for my part, but it’s unlikely I will receive one in return. “I have lost a lot of friends because people can’t cope with my truth.” For some reason, she didn’t seem to have considered the possibility that perhaps it’s not so much HER TRUTH but instead her STYLE OF COMMUNICATION that may have had something to do with friends walking out of her life.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t forgiven her. I ACTUALLY DID. I love her. Where she got her nickers in the twist was that SHE WAS BACKING UP HER EMOTIONALLY TRIGGERED STATE with ‘her unfailing intuition’.
She had backed herself into a corner. THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT TO SAY … IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO…
How often have you not slowed down enough to feel YOUR TRUTH? How often have emotions bogged you down? Perhaps they’ve trapped you for a day, weeks, or maybe even months or years… NO WAY… YOU CANNOT AFFORD having your creativity shut down in this way. It mean loss of time! Loss of money! And it can mean loss of relationships and much more.
So, you can more effortlessly flow in your life and business, download the Elemental Woman Calendar App. It will show you when each of the Archetypes are active to get into flow to create Feminine Prosperity. Find out when Wise Woman is active so you can make powerful decisions that you won’t regret.
HOW OFTEN DO WE GET TOTALLY TANGLED UP IN OUR EMOTIONS?
TO BE HONEST…
… I have made a mess of it many times myself. Communication is one of THE most difficult things in any relationship… BUT… when mastered, it’s the most VALUABLE SKILL. It has the ability to truly clear the air.
THAT’S WHEN YOU KNOW COMMUNICATION ACTUALLY WORKS…
… When both parties can move forward. AT LAST the tangles are gone.
To experience closeness in relationship has been my lifelong desire.
It got me hunting for the perfect communication model all over the world. I was lucky enough to learn from a man who is brilliant at it, Christian Pankhurst, founder of Heart IQ and author of INSIGHTS to Intimacy. On top of that my 29 year marriage was the biggest learning ground for me in life in that regard.
VULNERABLE COMMUNICATION is going to be part Of JEWEL – Elemental Woman Entrepreneur 7 Day Leadership Retreat & Certification Training in Uluru this year. But for now, here are some basic rules that have helped me over the years as I continue on my journey to keep improving my communication skills.
To start with, it is a good idea to ask if it would be ok to have a heart to heart and ask them when would actually suit them. That way both people can prepare for it mentally, emotionally and also physically.
In my case, my friend had landed the ‘conversation’ on me just after I returned from a long walk before I had even eaten that day. To top it all off, I had been working really hard for several weeks without any down time and kind of came to the end of a long marathon. I got there with absolutely NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. And that’s when I was blasted.
- Before you begin, IMAGINE A LOVING OUTCOME
- Wait until you are EMOTIONALLY CALM when choosing a time for a heart to heart
- Thank the other person FOR BEING HERE FOR THIS
- Keep eye contact TO CONNECT – KEEP YOUR VISION SOFT if you are able
- Share HOW CHALLENGING IT IS for you to share this, e.g. my mouth is dry, I’m really scared I might be rejected by you if I share this… OR WHAT EVER IT IS FOR YOU
- Speak ONLY FOR YOURSELF, using I statement ‘Remember that day when we did ‘xyz’ and you said ‘xyz’, I FELT EMBARRASSED WHEN YOU SHARED THIS PRIVATE INFORMATION.
- Use other adjectives to describe HOW YOU FEEL OR FELT, e.g. disappointed, jealous, angry, left out, rejected, etc.
- Relate the incident to WHAT PAST EXPERIENCES IT MAY HAVE TRIGGERED FOR YOU. (if you are able) e.g. When I was a child, my mother used to ‘xyz’ and this situation brought that up for me. I ended up feeling just like that again.
- KEEP THE WORDS TO A MINIMUM, WITHOUT TOO MUCH RAMBELLING.
- LET THERE BE BREATHING SPACE in between sentences and points made. Give time for letting things settle in.
- Thank your partner for listening AND EXPRESS GRATITUDE
NOW GIVE YOUR PARTNER THE SAME OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK HIS/HER TRUTH.
I hope this helps. If you have any great suggestions around communication, please share them in the comments below. There is NEVER enough to know about this subject. We all can all learn from each other.